


A Secret Called Love

by monsterous94



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 01:14:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7993228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monsterous94/pseuds/monsterous94
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnny's friends think they're doing the world a favor by setting John on a blind date because they believe John has been single for ages.<br/>But John has been dating someone... and everything turns into a chaos for a whole week.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: Mentions of bullying, low self-esteem issues, sexual innuendos, sloppy smut, cheesy stuff... tons of cheesy stuff lol.

 

**(Monday)**

  
"Come on, it'll be fun I swear!" Jaehyun pulled Johnny's sleeve, earning a new 'no' as an answer.  
  
Johnny was one of many university students. What was what made him special? He was single. And why was that important? Because according to his friends, he was tall, had good grades and not only he was extremely handsome, but also a gentleman. Some people thought he was a brat because of his sassy  & cold expression. But it was the contrary, he was sweet and nice, not only with girls but with boys too.  
  
And all of those qualities were enough for Johnny's friends to look for a partner for him. In addition, they were on their third year of university; they didn't want their friend to be a loser in the game of love, as they would always tell him just to mock him.  
  
What they didn’t know was that Johnny had a big and cute secret. A secret he didn’t want to be revealed nor discovered.  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow Jae, and please drop your crazy ideas" the brown haired boy bid goodbye and left.  
  
What Jaehyun told him left a pool of ideas in his mind. His friend along with his other friend Taeyong was fixing a blind date for Johnny. It wasn't fully a blind date because Jaehyun practically told him they knew the boy, but still Johnny wasn't interested.  
  
Arriving at his department, he unlocked the door and the first sight he got was books discarded everywhere, tons of papers full of notes, a jacket on the floor, a pile of boxes... His flat was a mess oh god.  
  
"Doyoung are you here?" Johnny took off his shoes and left his backpack on the floor, resting it against the boxes. Before taking a step, he scanned the place, watching a tiny hand waving on the couch. The taller smiled immediately.  
  
"Hey what's all this mess? What happened?" he approached the couch and the sight made him bite his lip from stopping himself of smiling wider.  
  
Doyoung was sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table with more papers surrounding him; in the coffee table were his computer and some books, and Doyoung... Well he was a mess just like their place.  
  
"Are you okay?" Johnny kneeled behind the smaller and smiled, hugging him by the waist, resting his chin over Doyoung's shoulder.  
  
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine it's just... I..." the younger mumbled something, then searched through his notes and finally typed something on the computer. Heaving a sigh, he took Johnny's hands to free himself for the hug, only to awkwardly turn around and hug the taller by his neck, trying to hang onto the older's body.  
  
"Sorry for the mess, I'll clean later" Doyoung smiled and left a tiny kiss over Johnny's left cheek.  
  
"What are you doing? Thought you were free from school?" Johnny held him by the waist, massaging the fragile body in front of him.  
  
"I was... Actually I was shopping some ornaments for our Christmas tree, but I’ve received a message from one of my classmates saying I had to finish my biology catalogue, for tomorrow... That's crazy" The older could see Doyoung was upset, but also pressured and worried, it was as if Johnny could read how exactly Doyoung felt.  
  
"Yeah it is" Johnny sat himself on the carpet, pulling Doyoung with him, now having him seated over his lap, the smaller resting his back against John’s chest "but don't worry, you work on your catalogue and I’ll feed you and clean the place" both smiled even when Doyoung couldn't see Johnny's face  
  
"But..." the older continued "you'll owe me one, agree?" to finish, Johnny bit the younger's earlobe, earning a gasp from the latter.  
  
"a- agreed... but don't do that so suddenly" Doyoung covered his ear and ran away from his boyfriend's lap. Few seconds later both of them erupted in giggles, Doyoung having rosy cheeks thanks to Johnny's action.  
  
"I’ll do as my bunny says" Johnny smiled directly at Doyoung, making him flustered. The younger only lowered his head and muttered so slightly "Can you give me a kiss?"  
  
The older of the two heard him perfectly, but he wouldn't let go the opportunity to tease his boyfriend "What did you said? Couldn't hear you clearly" then he just crawled to where the latter was seated.  
  
"I uh... Nothing" with both hands, Doyoung covered his cheeks and heaved a sigh, ashamed of his request. Johnny just smiled and without any other word he lifted up Doyoung's face by the chin with his index finger, closed the gap between them and kissed those thin yet beautiful and soft lips. Both boys closed their eyes while enjoying the moment, it was peaceful and lovely. Doyoung was just so fragile and small compared to Johnny.  
  
Their lips fitted perfectly for each other, it wasn't necessary an aggressive kiss, just the touch of their lips made their hearts explode. After few seconds, Johnny opened his eyes and smiled at his boyfriend while the younger did the same.  
  
"Don't worry about anything but your work, I'll take the lead for today" again, the two of them laughed and soon, both were engrossed in their activities.  
  
After cleaning the place, Johnny fed Doyoung like a baby while the latter kept writing tons of words on his computer. Johnny had no problem helping Doyoung the way he was doing, after all it would be only a couple of days and then they’ll have a well-deserved free time to spend Christmas vacations together.  
The night soon came down and John, not being very happy about it, gave his boyfriend the good nights while the latter kept reading and writing on his computer, it would be a hard night for Doyoung.  
  
“I’ll sleep on your bed tonight, please don’t overwork yourself, okay?” Spoke the tallest standing still on the corridor, Doyoung only replied with an almost inaudible “I won’t”  
  
Johnny went to Doyoung’s room and found it clean as usual, everything was neat and tidy. A bit tired, John discarded every piece of his clothes over a chair in one corner of the room; warm pajamas were his favorite since the cold winter wasn’t exactly his best friend. Lazily he went to bed and settled himself in the confines of his boyfriend’s mattress. A sweet and unique scent filled his nostrils, that enjoyable smell that was Doyoung’s scent, a mixture of vanilla, sugar and something really unique, something John called Doyoungie’s unique scent.  
  
The pleasant aroma gradually made him fall into a relaxed state, making him sleep almost instantly.  
  
  
  


 

**(Tuesday)**

The following morning came faster and anyone could wish; Johnny opened his eyes, expecting to find his boyfriend by his side but there was only an empty space. He scanned the place, watching Doyoung’s pajamas slightly folded over the desk. The clock on the wall displayed 10:30am; it was obvious Doyoung wouldn’t be there, with him.  
  
After few minutes lying in bed, John stood and went to the bathroom. While washing his teeth he heard his cellphone ringing... a message, apparently.  
  
He left the bathroom with the toothbrush inside his mouth and picked up the device. Rolling his eyes unconsciously was his first action after reading the message and its content.  
  
  
**From: Jaehyun**.  
" _John! We're going to a nice club on Friday, and you'll meet your blind date there. It's done bro, u can't say no. See ya tmr_ " ... What?  
  
  
John sighed a bit vexed. Why were their friends so engrossed in find him a lover? It was the consequence of his friends not knowing about Doyoung... But he wouldn’t tell them about him, not yet.  
  
Still frustrated, he left the phone over the night table, noticing a small blue paper note stacked against the fitment; the brown haired male detached and read it.  
  
  
" _Sorry but I couldn't wake you up, you were so cute while sleeping. Enjoy your rest day my Johnney ♥_ " and immediately a wide smile crossed Johnny's face, sitting down over the bed with the little note between his index & middle finger. He re-read the note, smiling even more at the way his name was written on it. According to Doyoung, “Johnney” was a mixture of his name and the word ‘honey’. For John, it was funny the ways Doyoung showed him his love.  
  
He couldn't believe how their relation had born.  
  
_It all started when Johnny moved into that apartment only a month before college started again. The apartment was big enough for two people, and thanks to that, the rent was high.  
  
After a week of get himself acclimatized, John published some papers around the place and campus, searching for a roommate.  Immediately he started to receive calls and messages asking for more information about the place, Doyoung included in those messages. Almost all the guys and girls asked Johnny to give them a physical introduction of the place, but Doyoung simply begged him to let him stay there, promising he would be punctual with the rent; the boy really needed the place and Johnny gave him the opportunity.  
  
A week passed after they made the deal through a phone call when someone knocked at the door; Johnny attended lazily but he got surprised with what he saw. In front of him was a small male, compared to him the boy was short; his eyes were so... beautiful and deep. The boy smiled endearingly and asked “Are you Johnny?” His voice was sweet and a bit high-pitched for Johnny’s taste, but still was melodious, his lips gave beautiful and pleasant smiles, his body seemed so fragile and thin... he was a very beautiful boy.  
  
The moment the younger stepped inside and introduced himself, everything started. The first day Johnny occasionally made some questions, answering them as well just so that both of them could get the same information from each other. Thanks to that, Johnny knew Doyoung was 20 years old, and Doyoung knew John was 21. Also the older knew Doyoung would start his second year of University and that sadly, they wouldn’t attend the same school. Their Universities were close from the place, but on contrary directions.  
  
As the days went by, Johnny started to felt different towards his feelings. Every time he interacted with Doyoung, his stomach churned weirdly and he smiled instantly. Watching the smaller being naturally shy made his heart skip a bit.  
  
The night before University started, during dinner John asked Doyoung if he had a girlfriend or boyfriend, earning a shy smile and a low ‘I don’t’. Johnny unconsciously made a compliment that came rather loudly “I like the way you naturally blush when we’re laughing”.  
  
Doyoung replied with an awkward silence and an impassive expression, his face was completely tinted with an intense pinkish color. That same night, the younger didn’t said goodnight to Johnny like they usually did, he simply went to his room and didn’t came out. John went to bed with a broken piece of heart, Doyoung’s reaction clearly told him he wasn’t interested in him, and it was obvious they didn’t share the same feeling.  
The next morning, fearing he could disturb, John knocked on Doyoung’s door room just to wish him good luck on his first day of school.  
  
Doyoung opened the door and without letting Johnny speak, he deadpanned “Date me” with a serious attitude.  
  
Both boys stood still for a few seconds until Johnny smiled and then started to laugh. Doyoung watched him and felt ashamed of himself; with now teary eyes started to close the door. John noticed his action and stopped the door with his hand, still laughing.  
  
“You are so so so cute” And without further ado hugged the smaller, whispering “I don’t want to date you” trying to hold back his laugh when he felt Doyoung’s small hands trying to separate each other.  
  
“I want you to be my boyfriend” John whispered again, giving him another hug, this time more affective.  
  
After many seconds they spent just hugging each other, they separated; Doyoung had his cheeks tinted with a beautiful shade of pink and a bit wet, his tears rolled down after John’s words, but the smile that had over his lips worth everything. Johnny couldn’t stop himself from smiling; after all the small had feelings for him too... he had a horrible night without sleep for nothing.  
  
The hour wasn’t favorable to talk about what happened; the pair accorded to talk about it after school. With small smiles they bid goodbye to each other and left their flat.  
  
The days passed by with them growing as a couple. Until one day, after classes were done, Jaehyun threw a comment that wasn’t nice at all for Johnny.  
  
“Who’s that guy you bid goodbye yesterday morning? He’s so like a worm, a cute one... I could bang him actually” and then he laughed, waiting an answer from the taller.  
  
“He’s my neighbor, I don’t know him but you should respect him, you know?” John spat his words, trying to restrain himself for being harsh. If Jaehyun didn’t made that disturbing comment, John would have tell him about Doyoung and their relationship; now he was kinda angry, but at the same time felt curious about what more his friend had to say about Doyoung.  
  
“Oh, too bad you’re not friends with him, I would date him” Jaehyun’s words didn’t match with his lusty gaze while talking about Doyoung. John was mad.  
  
“Whatever, don’t get close to him, he’s... uhm... weird” The taller sighed, feeling how his stomach twisted in a weird way after speaking ill about Doyoung... It was for their own good.  
  
From that day, Johnny didn’t tell anyone about his boyfriend. He started to change their habits like bid goodbye inside the apartment, leave a bit early than the hour he usually left... everything just so Jaehyun wouldn’t see them together, John didn’t want his friend lied his gaze over his small bunny; being kinda overprotective, John avoided the idea of having a formal date. Everything was like playing a hide and seek game... but Doyoung didn’t knew he was playing too, still he didn’t seem uncomfortable or something. Everything was okay for now, John thought.  
  
The entire situation was tranquil and easy, until Johnny was forced to face his actual situation: his friends saw him as a single man._  
  
Johnny spent the whole day trying to decorate their Christmas tree but something told him Doyoung wouldn’t be happy with his way of arranging the ornaments.  


 

\---

  
When Doyoung entered the place, he instantly grimaced. Leaving his backpack over the table, he directly went to the Christmas tree situated on a corner of the living room; feeling himself anxious, took in his hands the Christmas lights and started to rearranged them, as well as some ornaments and spheres.  
  
“Heeeey, you should say hi first, you know?” Doyoung heard that voice he yearned to hear the whole day. Still holding the lights in his hands, he turned his head in the voice’s direction, finding Johnny lying against the kitchen’s frame door, a small but lovely smile over his lips. The younger smiled too, leaving the lights over the tree and walking to where his boyfriend was.  
  
“I’m home” muttered Doyoung while hugging the taller.  
  
“I can see that” Johnny hugged him back, bringing closer the small body to himself, leaving a small kiss over Doyoung’s forehead only to whisper directly on his ear “Let’s have dinner” ending with Johnny patting Doyoung’s butt lightly. The raven haired male blushed but nodded in silence, slowly separating their bodies; taking his backpack from the table, he went to his room.  
  
After finishing their meals and talk about how hard was for Doyoung to survive on his penultimate day of classes, Johnny remembered what he so wanted to share with his boyfriend, he was so sure both would laugh about it.  
  
“Hey, do you want to hear something reaaaaally funny?” Johnny spoke while smiling, waiting for Doyoung to answer. The younger stared at him with his cute big eyes and smile, nodding.  
  
“Remember my friend Jaehyun?” Another silent nod.  
  
“He, along my other friends organized a blind date for me... Isn’t that funny!? They’re so weird!” John laughed loudly during few seconds, until Doyoung’s fragile voice cut him off.  
  
“What?” Doyoung seemed tense. The smile adorning his lips wasn’t there anymore and his face showed he was worried and maybe scared. The smaller didn’t find anything funny about the topic “Where’s the fun in what you just told me?”  Without knowing, his hands were trembling, but still he wanted to stay firm and careless as much as he could... eventho he himself knew he wouldn’t make it.  
  
“Ahwww come on! Can’t you see?! They think I’m single” Johnny didn’t show it but he felt worried after seeing Doyoung’s change of attitude and his facial expression, it wasn’t the reaction he was expecting. Leaving his seat on the table, Johnny went directly to Doyoung’s one and without any difficulties he lift the small body in his arms, carrying him bridal style. The raven haired male clung to the latter’s neck for support; deep inside himself still lied that indecipherable uncomfortable feeling.  
  
“They don’t know I have such a cute bunnyfriend all for myself” John smiled warmly, staring directly at Doyoung, getting lost for a moment in the beautiful depths of his eyes. The smaller laughed a bit, looking away.  
  
“What’s a bunnyfriend?” He asked, laying his head under Johnny’s chin.  
  
John walked to Doyoung’s bedroom and once inside, he closed the door and laid his boyfriend over the bed, taking place beside him.  
  
“Well... You’re a little rosy bunny and also my boyfriend. That makes you my bunnyfriend” John kissed the tip of Doyoung’s nose and smiled, then laughed watching Doyoung blushing and trying to hide his own smile.  
  
“That’s so cheesy” he muttered.  
  
And just like that, both of them forgot for the moment the awkward topic that ruined their mood. During a couple of hours they watched and commented some random TV programs, until the darkness of the night covered the whole sky and the couple, sharing their heat, kisses and some caresses, fell asleep in the comfiness of each other’s company.  
  
  
  


 

**(Wednesday)**

To Doyoung, the morning came earlier than he would’ve liked. Stretching his body on the bed, the first thing he felt was the warm body of his boyfriend lying by his side. The smaller smiled; watching every small detail of the older’s face, his long eyelashes, those round cheeks, sharp nose, the perfect curvature of his lips... Doyoung didn’t know exactly when he became fortunate enough to be the boyfriend of someone as handsome and charismatic as John. Time passed by so fast; few weeks back they had reached their nine month as a couple.  
  
‘Couple’. That word formed inside his head made him remember the awkward moment of last night. Johnny was going to have a “date”? With someone who was not Doyoung... even when they as a couple didn’t had their first date yet. The more he thought about it, his stomach heaved and the tip of his toes went cold... What if Johnny changed his preferences about Doyoung for his blind date? ‘ _No, no, no, don’t overthink Doyoung_ ’ he mentally told himself while with his hands covered his face, trying to forget his ridiculous thoughts. He trusted his boyfriend even when Doyoung didn’t trust in himself.  
  
“Morning baby” The younger heard in a raspy voice; a strong arm circled his waist and brought him closer to the older’s body.  
  
“Good morning Johnny” Doyoung muttered, his negative thoughts dissolved instantly, getting filled with an inexplicable happiness the moment he heard Johnny’s voice. Leaving his hand over the latter’s chest, Doyoung enjoyed the now perfect moment “Did you slept well?” he asked, drawing with his index finger invisible circles all over the surface.  
  
“Yeah kinda” Johnny giggled, bringing closer the small body. Doyoung laid his head over John’s chest, feeling a bit shy after doing it. Sleeping together was kinda troublesome since Doyoung’s bed was a double size one but it was short for John’s height, and Johnny’s bed was long enough but single bed... how troublesome.  
  
Both boys passed several minutes just hugging each other, until, again, the same conversation of last night came back to Doyoung’s mind.  
  
“Johnny...” muttered without sparing a single glance. Said boy hummed as an answer.  
  
“What you said last night about a blind date... You’re not... going, right?” Doyoung tried to ease the situation laughing a bit, hoping to hide the nervousness in his voice.  
  
“Ah, yeah I’ll go” Answered the older, hugging the small body in a possessive way “I’ll go because Taeyong and Jaehyun put their efforts in it... but I’m not interested at all” and now it was Johnny’s turn to laugh because Doyoung facial expression was a bit funny for him, it was a mixture between fear, sadness and annoyance. Johnny had never see him like that but it was funny and too adorable.  
  
“It bothers you?” Asked John only to mock him a bit, holding back his laugh.  
  
“No, I trust you” Doyoung smiled, trying to convince himself everything was fine and he wasn’t jealous nor afraid, but he stomach still felt heavy and his thighs were tensed... yes, he was afraid.  
  
“I’m glad” once again Johnny smiled and with slow movements left his place on the bed, getting inside the younger’s bathroom “I’ll help today on some workshops, that will help my grades to be at least decent” he spoke inside the bathroom, laughing after his words. Doyoung intuited John was about to take a shower before leaving. “Hope I can get back as soon as possible, we still have to plan something important, remember?” and then silence.  
  
The raven haired male sat on the bed, only staring at the bathroom’s door as if it was Johnny. He wanted to ask more about the date thing but his mind obliged himself to stop and not be a pain in the ass; what was worse, he really did want to spend the whole day by John’s side doing nothing and it would not be possible because the latter needed to do schoolwork. Doyoung really wanted to be with John the whole day to plan that important thing John mentioned before: their pre-Christmas party. Both of them had to leave their actual place to spend Christmas with their families, it was obvious they could not spend holidays together, that was why they wanted to plan something unique and special for Christmas eve’s.  
  
After several minutes, Johnny came out of the bathroom with only a towel circling his waist; with a smaller one he was drying his hair.  
  
Doyoung eyed him from head to toe and for a moment he felt like passing out; every single muscle of the tallest body was perfect, Doyoung felt an enormous urge to touch his arms, caress his torso way too slowly, inch by inch, imagining the sensation of his fingers against John’s abdomen... No, he won’t do it... He wouldn’t fall into temptations.  
  
“Like what you see?” Doyoung came back to life after hearing the voice that always awakened his senses and immediately felt the shame flooding his entire being, his face started to get warm and he had no other reaction than cover himself with the blanket.  
  
John laughed loudly and went to look for his clothes; after some more minutes he was already in front of the door, ready to leave. Giving the smaller a kiss, he bid goodbye and left.  
  
Doyoung sighed, his head was about to explode full of tons of ideas, which half of them were bad ones and he didn’t even know why. He slumped on the couch, closed his eyes and tried to calm his ragging heart. There was no reason to feel sad or angry because of the blind date thing... although, considering all the negative points of the whole issue, Doyoung realized that if John’s friends arranged him a blind date... it was because they didn’t know about Doyoung’s existence. That was why Johnny never invited them before? That was the reason of why John always bid goodbyes inside the apartment and then leaves like he was in a hurry? Adding the fact John consider as ‘nothing’ that date... All those details made Doyoung upset, and without him noticing, his eyes were already full of tears.  
  
Still... anything had coherency. If Johnny didn’t like him, they wouldn’t be a couple. Their relationship wasn’t physical since Johnny always gave him his space. Doyoung sometimes wished to have the courage to be with John in a sexual way, but at the same time he didn’t want to initiate that part of their relationship because at the very beginning of it, Doyoung thought John only wanted him to have sex; it wasn’t anything about sex, apparently.  
  
He felt very confused, the only thing he wished at the moment was a hug from his boyfriend, being between his arms always made him feel protected and warm on the inside... But John wasn’t with him.  
  
Feeling depressed, he still tried to find something better to do, or at least to lift his mood a bit, like taking a shower, clean the house, going to the supermarket, anything that dragged him from those horrible thoughts that made his heart ache.  
  
_‘Take it easy Doyoung, there’s nothing to be afraid of’_ he mentally told himself in front of the mirror; he was in the bathroom washing his hands after finishing cooking dinner for both of them. It was evening already, his mind was clear from heavy thoughts, convincing himself there was really nothing to fear, just his own insecurities mortifying him.  
  
Leaving the bathroom, the first thing he did was spare a glance at the clock hanging on the wall clearly displaying 6:40pm, John would be home at any moment... he only needed to wait maybe a few more minutes. Slumping on the couch, he turned on the tv, skipping from one channel to another, finding nothing to watch.  
  
Barely fifteen minutes passed when he heard the sound of the door unlocking, followed by more noises. Doyoung instinctively smiled and left his place on the couch, trying his best to hide his desperation to see Johnny again even tho it was the truth, he felt a huge necessity to see him, hug him, feel protected between his arms, feel loved...  
  
“Hi...” muttered in a shy voice and a small smile crossed his lips while staring at Johnny struggling with his own shoes to take them off.  
  
“Hey baby” John replied, throwing his obnoxious shoes on the floor, earning a beautiful laugh from the younger “How was your day?” the taller asked.  
  
The answer came out as a hug. Doyoung hugged him without telling a word, circling his torso with both arms and hiding his face against Johnny’s chest.  
  
“Wow... Are you okay?” The older hugged him back, caressing the smaller’s soft raven hair, whom only nodded while inhaling that unique scent Johnny always had all over him.  
  
“Just... Missed you” The younger muttered, feeling so secure and protected now that Johnny was there.  
  
But Johnny didn’t believe him at all “Come with me” he said, separating their bodies and dragging the small one with him by the arm, both went to the younger’s room. Doyoung sat on the bed, his gaze glued on the floor; John took place by his side.  
  
“Tell me what’s wrong?” Johnny spoke, hugging him by his shoulders, bringing him closer to himself.  
  
Silence.  
  
“Baby please, talk to me” John insisted, caressing his back with slow movements. It was weird to see Doyoung this serious, quiet but also clingy “Did you had problems with someone? Or something happened with your University project?”  
  
“Nothing, just... I really missed you. I wanted to be with you all day but you had to go out... I guess I felt frustrated” was the only excuse that came out, although it wasn’t a lie after all. Still in silence, he hugged Johnny by the neck and stared intently at him; even in the darkness he could see every detail of Johnny’s face, he was so perfect... The whole moment was, the warmth of both bodies mingling together, the confidence Johnny always injected him, that feeling rising inside his chest every time he sees or hears John. The younger felt so eager to confess his true feelings for the first time. The horrible day and his mental drama helped him to think about everything and realize he really liked Johnny... he loved him. What was worse, he never showed any sign of his love, Doyoung was scared enough of himself that even with so many months of relationship with John, he still didn’t believe John liked him back.  
  
The atmosphere was still perfect... he really did wanted to say it.  
  
“I...” _love you._  
  
Words didn’t came out... What happened? The worst part was that Doyoung had Johnny staring at him paying him all the attention in the world.  
  
“I... I’ve made us some dinner, let’s go eat?” Doyoung looked away from John. He did wanted to pronounce those three words, but he was afraid of being rejected; not knowing what more to do, with both hands he held Johnny’s perfect face and eyed him slightly just to leave a soft and short kiss over the latter’s lips, blushing after finishing his shy and nervous action.  
  
The older only stared at him and smiled but removed the small hands from his cheeks, enjoying the confused expression Doyoung had plastered on his face “Next time do it like this” John spoke lowly and held the small face of his boyfriend while his lips kissed the others, not even stopping there when a small bite took place in Doyoung’s lower lip, earning a short whine; John took the opportunity and introduced the tip of his tongue, searching the other. His moves were slow and full of dedication and adoration.  
  
Doyoung heaved a sigh, getting himself immersed in the moment. Their tongues danced in synchrony, teeth clashing occasionally but they didn’t stop. After several seconds, John ended their kiss, pulling apart slowly yet holding his face “You’re beautiful Doyoung” almost whispered.  
  
Doyoung roamed his gaze all over Johnny’s face, the glow in his eyes, his cheeks, his nose, his shiny lips after the kiss they shared... the younger ended up blushing again, causing Johnny to laugh.  
  
“Let’s eat, yeah?” The tall boy smiled. Doyoung nodded only, smiling as well. Soon, the pair left their places on the bed and went to the kitchen,  the food Doyoung cooked for both of them. The small talks and the laughs they shared for silly things created an enjoyable atmosphere that helped Doyoung to wash away all the heavy feelings he had with him the whole day. The night soon came and the pair just laid on Doyoung’s bed to talk about what Johnny did during the day; after few hours they fell asleep while watching a movie.  
  
  


 

**(Thursday)**

“Woah hello” Johnny spoke in a raspy voice. The first scene that welcomed him after opening his eyes almost gave him a heart attack: Doyoung standing in front of the closet with only a towel circling his waist. It was so abnormal for Johnny to see him almost naked; the only clothing he was using covered absolutely nothing.  
  
“Ah! Don’t look yet!” The older heard while staring at Doyoung’s body slightly shrinking as if it would help to hide himself or something.  
  
“And why not? It’s a nice way to say good morning to me” John left his place on the bed as fast as he could, and after few seconds he was standing behind Doyoung, hugging him by the waist, feeling the droplets of water from the younger’s skin wetting his own and his pajamas “Good morning little bunny” he whispered into his ear then left an affective kiss behind it, feeling how the younger’s skin bristled with every touch.  
  
“John... Johnny...” Doyoung whimpered lowly, closing his eyes. He was startled without knowing what to do, his whole felt invaded by the mere presence of John.  
  
“Where is my bunny going this early, hmm?” another whisper behind his ear, while his hands slipped down slowly over Doyoung’s flat and delicate abdomen “You should’ve wait for me and take a shower together”.  
  
Doyoung felt a strong shiver travelling all over his body after hearing those words. The pair never had taken a shower together before, they didn’t even had the kind of physical contact that held at that moment except sleeping together... even though sometimes Doyoung really wanted to take a step further to increase their physical contact, he could feel Johnny wanted it too, but he was afraid. Of what? He didn’t know, but the fear was there, always remaining.  
  
“I... have to go to Uni” not knowing what else to do, his only movement was to cover his own face with both hands just to hide his shame and fear.  
  
“Oh no. Don’t go, stay here with me” Once again, John whispered his words “Come one, you know you want it” finishing with another kiss over the skin of his neck, this time a long one, enjoying the velvety sensation of the younger’s skin against his lips.  
  
“I... I can’t” replied the smaller. He was nervous and grieved, also trying very hard to control his now trembling body but Johnny’s presence messed his whole being, it was obvious he wouldn’t be able to control the reactions of his body.  
  
“Ahh... Too bad” John hugged him by his waist and rested his chin over Doyoung’s shoulder. Even if the position was kind of awkward thanks to their height difference, Johnny felt at ease. The past days he saw Doyoung acting strange, for one reason or another they couldn’t spend much time together as they were used to; it was then that Johnny noticed how much he liked and needed Doyoung to feel complete and happy. Having him closer and feel his warmth stirred something inside of Johnny, making him smile... he loved Doyoung.  
  
“I can’t put my clothes on if you’re hugging me like this” spoke Doyoung smiling a bit, cutting off Johnny’s thoughts with his melodious voice; however the nervousness on his voice was still clear.  
  
“If I don't set you free, you won't go anywhere” John laughed. It was funny to have the small bunny so nervous between his arms. After several seconds, the older bit softly Doyoung’s ear, making him jump and whine in pain.  
  
“Joh... Johnny please” Doyoung put his hands over Johnny’s, same that remained over his flat stomach.  
  
“Fine, you win. But I hope you can come back soon or we won’t have much time to prepare our Christmas” John laughed again, leaving a small kiss on his cheek only to release him from his hold but giving him a strong blow on the butt, earning a hiss of pain. John laughed louder than before while Doyoung was about to faint in shame. Seconds passed after Johnny went into the bathroom to take a shower and forget for a small moment he wouldn’t be able to spend his day with Doyoung.  
  
When Johnny finished and left the bathroom, Doyoung was fixing his hair in front of the mirror, already dressed. Johnny pouted but decided to not molest him again, even though for him was so cute and adorable the way Doyoung was always blushing in embarrassment.  
  
“I really hope you can get back soon” spat the older, slumping over the already clean bed. The towel covering his waist loosened a bit but John tied it again since he knew Doyoung would feel uncomfortable if he showed _more_.  
  
“I’ll try” Doyoung slimed sparing a glance at the lying body on the bed. If he had the courage, he could just climb over Johnny’s body to hug him; he really wished to be brave enough to be the one kissing his boyfriend... but it was difficult, and his best choice as always was to run away like a coward.  
  
“Have a nice day Johnny” were his last words before leaving the room.  
  
Johnny remained on the bed staring at the ceiling. It was funny seeing a nervous Doyoung, but just sometimes Johnny questioned himself if being together really worth it... despite he hadn’t confess his true love for Doyoung, the younger constantly avoided the demonstrations of love or serious talks about their relationship, Johnny will never forget the enormous effort he had to put only to convince Doyoung to sleep together.  
  
What for Johnny had no sense was the exaggerated reaction Doyoung had when he told him about the blind date, even if John didn’t show a single sign of being interested or excited about it.  
  
Leaving the bed, he saw Doyoung’s folded pajamas over the desk; a smile instantly took place on his lips. Lazily he went for his clothes to wear while thinking about their situation. Doyoung’s attitude from last day still had Johnny in thoughts. The younger was usually a happy and moony person, sometimes silly... but his mien yesterday was gloomy and intrigued. Definitely there was something wrong with him and he didn’t tell John what was it.  
  
Already dressed, John walked down to the kitchen where he found a half-full mug of coffee. Smiling again knowing that had been his boyfriend’s breakfast; he took the object and threw the liquid on the sink then started to wash it. At that moment John realized everything that involved Doyoung made him smile.  
  
“Is this true love?” He mentally asked himself. It was true both of them were still young; 20 years meant nothing compared to his parents or grandparents marriage. John however always felt happy when Doyoung was around, even eyeing him made him feel happy. Doyoung was an unique person for him.  
  
The sincerity Doyoung confessed his fears was something Johnny will always have engraved in the back of his mind. While he was washing the dishes, a certain memory flashed his mind.  
  
_It was only two months after their relation had born, the pair was watching TV on the couch... or that was what Doyoung pretended, as Johnny brazenly distracted him with kisses and bites all over his neck, leaving red marks that lasted for days... But then Doyoung confessed he didn’t want to have sex with Johnny, he was afraid the older would only use his body for personal satisfaction. John only laughed, hugged him and whispered inside his ears words full of affection to calm the smaller.  
  
That night when John lied on his bed, he was really surprised of himself. Any other guy would have felt insulted, angry and betrayed after receiving that confession from his partner. Johnny on the contrary, only wanted what was best for Doyoung, and giving him his own space and time was overriding for both of them, that was why without even thinking about it, John respected every single word from the younger, and he only spoiled him to make him feel safe and at ease._  
  
That memory gave him a new smile over his lips. Doyoung’s presence and existence was now part of his life, and that made him realize he had never said it... He had never confessed he really loved Doyoung... nor Doyoung had told him if he really was in love. Maybe John was living a one-sided relationship? No... Doyoung was not like that. No, impossible.  
  
Before his mind started to mess with his thoughts in a bad way, John finished cleaning the kitchen, went for his wallet and left their flat to buy some necessary stuff for their Christmas, that surely would distract him of thinking weird things.

 

\--

  
  
Leaving the house during Christmas season had resulted as a huge mistake. The shopping mall and the supermarket were flooded with people buying a massive amount of things. John after three and half hours left the supermarket; grumpy and discouraged to do something else, he just wanted to get home and die maybe.  
  
And he did. As soon as he came back, he left the bags over the table, put his cellphone on silence and slumped on the couch to enjoy the comfiness of it and also the silent environment... People weren’t exactly his thing. Slowly the languishment started to hit his body and without even knowing, he fell asleep.  
  


 

\--

  
  
“Johnny I’m home!” Doyoung shouted while closing the front door. His bag landed somewhere on the floor as well as his shoes. The younger had a wide smile adorning his lips, he was truly happy and wanted to share his happiness with his boyfriend. However, only the silence welcomed him.  
  
“Johnny?” He pronounced clearly. He was about to enter into a state of concern after getting nothing as an answer, when he saw Johnny sound asleep on the couch. Doyoung eyed the clock displaying 5:12pm, it was an unusual hour for Johnny to sleep.  
  
The younger knelt beside Johnny until he was close enough to the latter’s face; being careful, he removed few strands of hair and smiled seeing how deeply his sleep was... but he needed to wake him up even if he didn’t want. Staring at him for few more seconds, he got near his face and left a small kiss over John’s forehead, then with his hand he started to shake him slowly.  
  
“Johnny wake up” Doyoung almost whispered, he didn’t want to scare his boyfriend “I’m home” and smiled.  
  
John removed himself on the couch while barely opening his eyes, the first sight welcoming him was beautiful smile over those rosy lips he loved. “Welcome back” replied in a raspy voice. With one of his hands, Johnny caressed Doyoung’s soft cheek, who only giggled.  
  
“I’m officially free! No more college for me!” Doyoung smiled. He wanted to hug his boyfriend but the position would be awkward for both of them.  
  
John on the contrary proceeded to sit on the couch, rubbing his eyes and then smiling as well. If both of them had vacations already, it would be easy to spend the whole day together doing nothing, it sounded nice in Johnny’s mind. “Congrats then! We need to celebrate this!”  
  
“Sure! We could go out and eat somewhere?” Doyoung asked instead of deciding. He had never asked something like that but after think about them not having a date before, maybe that moment was the indicated one to ‘take a step further’ inside their relationship.  
  
“Ugh no, I don’t want to go out again. I will cook for you if you want me to, but I won’t go out” For Johnny was a simple answer and didn’t meant to hurt nor offend the younger, he was telling only the truth; after his horrible experience at the supermarket, the last thing he wanted to do was to visit place full of people.  
  
However, Doyoung didn’t take it so well. His mind started to question the situation... Was it because Johnny would be ashamed if people see them together? Or maybe he didn’t really want to celebrate anything and he only said it for commitment? Even when Doyoung only smiled at Johnny after his answer, his mind was shooting a million of questions and ideas... He needed to stop himself from overthink, he needed to control his insecurities or he would keep hurting himself... But what if his thoughts were true?  
  
“Come here” Johnny palmed his lap, cutting off Doyoung’s bad thoughts. The younger obeyed and sat himself over his lap, resting his whole being over Johnny’s firm thighs, circling his neck with both arms.  
  
John only stared at him in silence. Every feature of his face, his round and beautiful eyes, his soft hair, his whole body... Doyoung was perfect for him. Even if he wanted to find flaws in him he couldn’t, it was impossible; his personality was unique, his voice was so pleasant, John even loved that particular breath Doyoung did every time he laughed too much or started to laugh.  
  
_Love._  
  
John really loved him, there was no doubt.  
  
“Doyoung I...” _love you_.  
  
But the attention of the pair swerved when they heard a vibrating cellphone; it was Johnny’s phone over the coffee table. The younger extended his arm to reach the object and handle it to his boyfriend, the latter thanked him and answered the call without even watching the phone screen.  
  
“Hello?” John answered and immediately rolled his eyes in an exaggerated way. Doyoung only stared at him laughing lowly, it seemed the call ruined the moment so he was about to get up when Johnny’s hand trapped his hand and pulled it, signaling he didn’t want the younger to leave. Doyoung only smiled shyly and stayed, clumsily playing with the buttons of John’s shirt.  
  
After several minutes, John ended the call and threw his cellphone to the other side of the couch “It was Jaehyun, he’s so annoying” spat the older; Doyoung giggled a bit.  
  
“What were you going to say?” Still smiling Doyoung caressed John’s hair with gentle and soft touches.  
  
“Right, I... I went to buy some stuff for our Christmas” John grinned. It wasn’t his intention to say that, but the moment was ruined, he wanted to confess his love in a special way, without any interruptions and having all of Doyoung’s attention only for him.  
  
With soft pats on Doyoung’s leg to make him get up, the pair left the couch and went to the kitchen.  
  
After having dinner, both of them listed their requirements for their Christmas ‘party’, Doyoung saying the perfect day to do it was on Sunday, that way they could spend the whole day and night together, and then they could leave on Tuesday... Yeah, it seemed like a nice plan.  
  


 

\-----

  
  
“I think I’m going to bed” Johnny yawned while staring boringly at the TV. Time passed by so quick none of them noticed it was already 1:15am.  
  
“Same for me, I’m tired” Doyoung turned off the TV and stretched a bit on the couch, then getting up to check the front door was already locked up; everything was in order.  
  
“I’ll wait for you, don’t fall asleep on the couch please” The younger laughed after his own words and left to his room.  
  
John got up from his seat and stretched his whole body, hearing one or two bones cracking. He was ready to leave when he remembered himself throwing the phone somewhere; lazily he searched the object inside the empty spaces of the couch until he found it. Just to check, he unlocked the device and saw a notification.  
  
  
**From: Jaehyun**  
_"See you tmr at 6 in my house. DON'T. BE. LATE."_  
  
  
Oh no... He completely forgot the blind date thing even when he chatted about it with Jaehyun few hours back. He didn’t want to make Doyoung feel bad saying him that the following day was his “date” nor he wanted to despise his friend. Heaving a sigh, he turned off the remaining lights on the living room and went to Doyoung’s room, not wanting to think much about the situation; he would find the right moment to talk about it in the morning.  
  
Inside the room he found the younger already wearing pajamas, sitting over the bed engrossed on his phone. John took his pajamas and went to the bathroom only to come out minutes after, still finding Doyoung in the same place, same position.  
  
“What are you doing?” John got closer and caressed softly the younger’s cheek, smiling after catching a glimpse of the phone screen displaying a random game.  
  
“I’m playing... but now that you’re here let’s sleep” Doyoung smiled after feeling John’s hand, closed the game and left the device over the night table, then lied over his side of the bed.  
  
“Play with me instead, yeah?” instead of taking his place on the bed, Johnny hovered over his boyfriend’s body, trapping him against the bed and leaving him completely static, with his hand he held Doyoung’s one and kissed his knuckles softly and slowly.  
  
“W-what?!” Doyoung stared intently at Johnny, feeling his cheeks getting warm and his heart beating faster. It was the second time of the day Johnny acted that way, the worst part was he wasn’t bothered but afraid of keep going.  
  
“I’m joking” John grinned, letting his body fall over the empty side of the bed, with his hand pulling the blanket over their bodies. Still smiling, he hugged Doyoung and bring his body closer to his, inhaling that sweet scent the younger exuded.  
  
“You’re so mean! You’re always bullying me” Doyoung hid his face on the older’s chest, feeling a huge amount of shame that increased when he heard Johnny laughing.  
  
“Sorry, you’re just so cute I can’t contain myself” With his hand, John combed his boyfriend’s raven hair, finishing with a light kiss on his forehead.  
  
“I’m not cute” The younger muttered, still trying to hide his face but a big pair of hands held him by his cheeks, and seconds later he was staring intently into those beautiful and deep brown eyes that made him fall deeper in love.  
  
“You are.” Without further ado, John closed his eyes and kissed him, feeling the soft skin against his. Those little intimate moments were the best for him, Doyoung turned to be so docile and adorable... Johnny wanted to see everything about Doyoung, everything just for him.  
  
The younger only followed him, kissing back in a slow way, enjoying those kisses that fastened his heart beat. The atmosphere was calm and harmonious at the same time, Doyoung wished the moment to last an eternity, he wished to be between Johnny’s arms forever, to feel him, live his life by his side just loving him... perhaps maybe he was not reciprocated.  
  
The seconds passed by faster, multiplying the innocent kisses the pair gave to each other. Bit by bit, Doyoung fell asleep inside Johnny’s arms; the brown haired male contemplated his boyfriend for a long time until he fell asleep too.  
  
  
  


 

**(Friday)**

Winter cold filled the whole room; windows were tarnished and cold as well as Doyoung’s nose, which was fully wrapped with the blanket.  
  
Bit by bit he opened his eyes and the first scene welcoming him was beautiful. He could see through the window the tree branches slightly covered of a thin layer of snow, it made him smile immediately, he really liked snow. His first move was to turn, more like roll over the bed to wake his boyfriend up, but he find no one, even the empty side was already cold.  
  
Doyoung frowned and tried to get up but the blanket tied around his body prevented from doing it; struggling with it he decided to leave the bed still covered in the warm piece of cloth, after all the winter cold could make him sick.  
  
“Johnny?” he asked reaching the living room but he saw no one... how weird, usually it was Doyoung the one who first woke up.  
  
“I’m here” a voice came from the kitchen.  
  
When Doyoung walked into the kitchen he saw the tall boy leaning against the counter, a cup resting over the counter. Johnny’s gaze fixated on him.  
  
“Good morning” Johnny sing-songed "thought you were dead" and smiled. The younger smiled as well, eyeing the clock showing 11:40 am... wow did he really slept that much?  
  
“I’m sorry I fell asleep that deeply, I was tired I-...” Doyoung rambled while approaching the older, which by the way was only wearing pajama pants and a shirt.  
  
“Don’t apologize, you needed to rest” John smiled at him again. The way Doyoung walked all covered in that big blanket was so adorable and funny, the steps he took were short and lazy... yep, cute.  
  
Doyoung only hugged him, trying to cover both bodies with the cloth but thanks to their height difference was a bit hard.  
  
“Come here” Johnny laughed, shook his head and rolled his eyes watching the zero success of Doyoung to cover them. With both hands, John took the piece of warm cloth and settled it over his own shoulders, then held Doyoung by the shoulders and bring him closer, then wrap both bodies with the blanket that already had Doyoung’s sweet and characteristic scent.  
  
The smaller hugged John by the waist, leaning his head over his shoulder and closing his eyes. The warmth of their bodies was so comfortable “We should just cuddle all day” muttered, his hands constantly caressing Johnny’s back.  
  
“About that I... I’ll go to Jaehyun’s house” Johnny only smiled but deep inside he was worried about Doyoung and his reaction over what was about to come.  
  
"I can go with you if you wa-"  
  
"NO!... I mean..." _god you're so stupid_ , Johnny thought of himself. He yelled his answer, it wasn't his intention but the simple idea of Jaehyun seeing his Doyoung with lusty eyes... it was a big no. "It's because we're going to a club, you know... The blind date thing" he really tried to lighten up the mood laughing about his own words but the atmosphere was awkward already.  
  
Doyoung was fully quiet... Did Johnny have just yelled at him? And also he told he would visit a night club with another boy as his date. Instantly, his eyes were full of tears but thanks to their position, John wouldn’t notice. Not even being conscious he clung tightly of the older’s shirt, everything was silent but his mind killed him slowly with a storm of negativity flooding every corner of his system. He was really trying to not let out his tears and swallow that huge lump forming in his throat. Praying his voice would come out as normal he muttered “I’m hungry”.  
  
“Let’s have some breakfast then” with one of his hands John held the smaller’s face; staring into the younger’s eyes was the worse he could have done at that moment. Doyoung had redden and glassy eyes, John didn’t get why the blind date issue made Doyoung feel that bad if John wouldn’t do anything bad, he wasn’t a bit interested in other boy even if he was attractive... nor even a girl. Johnny was in love with Doyoung... but he hadn’t confessed, that was the problem, he hadn’t confessed his true feelings and his zero interest in the blind date. At the same time he didn’t want to clarify he wouldn’t do anything at the club, John didn’t want Doyoung to feel bad for think wrong things or simply distrust him... No, John was sure Doyoung didn’t think that way. The situation had turned so messy for nothing.  
  
“Don’t cry” was the only thing John could tell, then subtlety kissing those lips he died for. Doyoung kissed back, closing his eyes while his tears rolled down his cheeks.  
  
The older wiped out the salty drops from his face; taking his time kissing his boyfriend, he wanted to make him feel good and his method was small kisses full of affection, maybe it would give the younger a bit of trust and support, also distract him... That was the solution, distract him from any bad thought, and make him smile.  
  
“Everything is going to be alright” muttered between kisses, sliding his hands until they reached Doyoung’s buttocks gripping them strongly earning a deep groan that was silenced by Johnny's lips. The older smirked, Doyoung’s body was so fragile and sensitive, a single touch or unusual caress caused him surprise or pleasure, it was amazing and interesting at the same time. Taking advantage of the situation John deepened the kiss using his tongue, searching for the other inside the warm cavity; introducing both hands into Doyoung’s pants he grabbed his ass and thanks to the thin fabric of his briefs he could feel how soft his asscheeks were, starting to knead the skin a bit harsh. The feel of having Doyoung between his hands was enticing... maybe he could go further. Their breathing became a bit desperate, Johnny’s caresses more eager; using his nails he dragged them down his globes, causing Doyoung to moan and bite John’s lip harder.  
  
“J-Jo... Johnny!” Doyoung, now fully conscious of what was happening separated their bodies. His breath was a mess and his cheeks were dry and free of tears, instead a strong shade of red adorned his skin, he was so immersed in the mixture of feelings that he got carried away for those touches...  And he wanted more, maybe it was time to give up. Biting his own lip, Doyoung eyed the floor where he saw the blanket that was covering both of them... he never noticed when or how it fell from their bodies. His heart was racing so fast and his stomach twisted constantly while he was trying to digest what just happened.  
  
“ _I’m hungry too_ ” Johnny pronounced in a heavy voice, licking his own lip making sure Doyoung hadn’t ripped up his skin. With his hand he caressed the smaller’s face, staring intently at him, still licking his own lip making them look more redden and shiny.  
  
The raven haired male looked at him speechless, John’s gaze was full of something Doyoung couldn’t clearly tell what was it, also the way he was licking his lips made him think those words had double meaning. After few seconds he rubbed his own face with both hands and sighed “I’m sorry” and then lowered his gaze.  
  
“Don’t be, I got to touch your ass so I’m happy” Johnny laughed lowly after watching a new intense shade of red covering his boyfriend’s whole face, even his ears. His words broke the tense-then-lusty ambiance; even if Doyoung was ashamed, a small smile adorned his lips. “Let’s eat something, for real” with his hand, John messed a bit the younger’s hair, picked up the blanket and left the kitchen.  
  
The pair didn’t bring back the topic, they just cooked something easy and sat on the couch to eat, watch some TV and spend the time together. The talks, their mixed laughs, some touches and caresses, everything was perfect again.  
  
John left his spot on the couch for a second and then Doyoung thought about his own exaggerated reactions, but he couldn’t avoid them. When he was in high school he had a “boyfriend” who played with him... _Yuta_. That guy was handsome and popular to be Doyoung’s boyfriend, at least that was what Doyoung had always thought, even Yuta was a year older than him, which made it more incredible. The day Doyoung decided to receive his first kiss from Yuta, the guy started to make fun of him and also told him the oh-so-funny story of how his friends and him make a deal: if Yuta dated him for a whole month, he would win a nice amount of money. “After all, who would like to be with someone like you, just look at your teeth and your scrawny body. You shouldn’t leave your mouse cage ever again” were the words Doyoung had engraved for months inside his head.  
  
If he was shy, after that happened he became uncommunicative and reticent, isolating himself from everyone. Doyoung continued his studies ignoring his classmates, without making any friend. When he left high school to start college, he tried to change but often he faced some of his classmates from the past and he was so done, done of seeing them, and done of being a nobody. That was why he decided to leave everything behind... his family and home in the city, his fave places, everything; he moved to another University and also apartment far away from the main city; the process wasn’t easy at all but he finally made it, he started from the very bottom in a place where no one knew him, it was like being born again.  
  
And then it was his relationship with Johnny, which constantly reminds him of that horrible experience of his past thanks to the small similarities it had: John was way too handsome for him and also a year older. On random days a thumping fear attacked his whole self, what if he awoke and realize everything was just a bad joke? What if Jonny lied him the whole time... that was why he preferred to be cautious even if it was just his own fears playing with him. Still, after think about it for so long, it was unfair for Johnny to not know why Doyoung feared physical contact, why he didn’t want to have sex, why he was so shy and had a hard time speaking about his personality or feelings... and even without knowing, Johnny treated him the same. They never fought nor argue over something, everything was like an illusion; actually thinking about it, Doyoung never had felt pressure from the older. Then he realized something else... Doyoung unconsciously had Johnny in total abstinence, not only in a sexual way, and it was cruel for Johnny. Maybe that was why Johnny tried to always initiate some physical contact... “ _How cruel you are_ ” Doyoung thought of himself.  
  
“Are you ignoring me now?” Johnny's mocking voice interrupted the wave of thoughts flooding his mind to the core.  
  
“No! I’m sorry I didn’t hear you... What did you said?” smiling, Doyoung eyed him.  
  
“Ah, something about a TV program, it doesn’t matter” John occupied his place beside Doyoung again and hugged him by the shoulders, bringing him closer, then kissing his cheek softly.  
  
“Johnny... Are you horny?” Doyoung blurted out; in his mind still lingered the words ‘Johnny’ and ‘sexual abstinence’.  
  
“What!?” John choked with on own saliva and between coughs and laughs glanced at his boyfriend “You mean like... Right now? No, I’m not” and kept laughing thanks to that sudden question. The younger felt his face heating up in shame. The question left his mouth without him thinking about it and now he felt ridiculous.  
  
Johnny noticed how ashamed he was and started to fool around with Doyoung; once again the pair fixed the awkward situation.


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m leaving! Please eat something and lock the door, I’m carrying my keys so don’t worry” Johnny put on his leather jacket and over it a coat thick enough to protect himself of the cold streets. Doyoung only stared at him, nodding after the older’s words; oh how much he wished that moment had never come, he didn’t want Johnny to leave, wishing his plans were cancelled thanks to the snow falling... something.  
  
“I’ll try to get back as soon as possible but if you feel sleepy please go to bed, I don’t want you to stay awake” after being completely done, Johnny stood in front of Doyoung who was seated over the couch, and with his fingertips held the chin to make him look at him “Don’t worry, everything is fine, okay?” and with a soft kiss, John bid good bye and left. Doyoung only nodded again and just watched him leave.  
  
The apartment fell silent. Doyoung lied over the couch covering his body with a thick blanket while watching the white sky through the window. He felt as if a black hole grew on his insides, he wanted to cry but didn’t know exactly why. He trusted Johnny, but not the other person... He was afraid, what if Johnny returned with different preferences. What if he fell in love with his blind date? What if, after returning home he ends their relationship? The younger wouldn’t be strong enough to handle something like that, not when he had lived almost a year of happy relationship with the older.  
  
With his gloomy mood, he got up and turned on the Christmas tree as well as de TV, it would be a long and horrible evening for him.  
  


 

\-------

“This is a waste of time, I’m telling you” Johnny spoke while eyeing the streets through the window car. He had been punctual, reaching Jaehyun’s house exactly at 6, only to find a Jaehyun still wearing pajamas and a Taeyong with bored face. They left at 8pm and Johnny only thought his friends were worse than girls, spending almost two hours to get done.  
  
“Shut up grandpa, it’ll be fun!” Jaehyun grinned eyeing Johnny through the mirror. Taeyong only laughed and John rolled his eyes. He preferred a million times to stay at home, inside his bed, caressing Doyoung’s back while enjoying his company, yet he didn’t want to turn down his friends.  
  
After parking the car and wasting 30 minutes just to enter the place, they were finally there. Music was extremely loud, tons of guys and girls dancing with one another feeling the beat, some others were just chatting and resting on the tables area... John mentally asked himself why of all the places for a “date” his friends chose a night club, and not only that: a famous one.  
  
“And how are we supposed to find the person?” Johnny almost yelled, approaching Jaehyun until it was close enough to his hear, while the latter just glanced at every corner of the place, marveled.  
  
“Over there!” Taeyong signaled a table at the back of the place.  
  
John saw a boy waving at them; he just followed his friends until they were in front of said table. John saw an interesting boy.  
  
“Hey Ten! Come here, you guys need to know each other” Jaehyun, with a brilliant smile dragged the raven haired male by his arm, then pushing him a bit to get him closer to Johnny.  
  
“Johnny, this is Ten! Ten, this is my dear friend Johnny” Jaehyun pronounced while gesturing with his hands.  
  
The tallest stared at the short boy for a few seconds. His height in comparison with John’s was... short; his hair was deep black and shiny, his smile was cute and sincere, his eyes held a special and luring glow, the clothes suited perfectly his slim body. Being completely honest with himself, John imagined a different person to be his date, but Ten was... fine.  
  
“Hello Ten, nice to meet you” The tallest bowed and smiled gently.  
  
“Nice to meet you too! Jae and Taeyong have told me a lot about you” Ten clasped his own hands, bowing as well and smiling back.  
  
None of them mentioned the words “Blind date” so John would spend the time as a friendly night.  
  
Few minutes passed when Johnny saw his friends Jaehyun and Taeyong already dancing in the middle of the crowd while he was sitting with Ten by his side, who was watching the crowd dancing, moving his head to the beat of the music and tapping his fingers over the table. The brown haired male eyed him and after thinking about it for few seconds he decided they should have fun too, that way time would pass faster and he could go home.  
  
“Uhm... Ten” John spoke louder to catch his attention “Wanna dance?” and he smiled. The latter smiled back and nodded immediately. Both boys left their seats and in a matter of seconds they were inside the crowd dancing and enjoying the fun and friendly atmosphere.  
  
John was a decent dancer even tho his moves were a bit lazy. Nevertheless when he saw Ten dancing, shocked was nothing: The boy moved his body in perfect synchro with the music, his smiles and attitude was completely different from before, he seemed really passionate and immersed in dancing.  
  
Seconds, minutes, hours passed with the pair having fun on the dance floor, sometimes they left to catch something to drink, to praise their movements, or just to interact some more, nothing extraordinary.  
  
“Ooh! I love that song!” Ten screamed and took Johnny’s hand to drag him again to the dance floor. John just smiled and followed but everything changed when he saw a new smile over Ten’s lips, it was... seductive and dark; the older felt incommodious but didn’t say anything. Ten on the contrary just kept dancing, glancing at the brown haired male from time to time. The song continued with Ten doing suggestive movements in front of Johnny and sometimes getting too closer against the taller’s body; John was about to run away, things were awkward for him now. The song ended and he went to sit, leaving Ten behind, he wanted to be alone and rest for a bit.  
  
Several minutes passed and John felt at ease again. _The “blind date” thing kinda worked_ , he thought, but not the way their friends wanted to. For him, Ten was a nice company and a cheerful person, just like Jaehyun and Taeyong... another friend.  
  
Still on his seat, Johnny started to feel tired, it had been lot of time since he went out to have fun like that; it wasn’t something he usually did, John really preferred spend his time at home watching TV, inside a cafe or restaurant where the environment wasn’t as crazy as a night club. Checking his cellphone he saw it was already 12:40am... Wow time had passed very quickly.  
  
"Hey Jooooohn, you having fun?" he suddenly heard while his friends slumped on the chairs in front of him. Taeyong was the one asking, a slur could be heard in his voice... They were drunk already.  
  
"Yeah but I'm tired, I think I'm leaving in few more minutes" Johnny smiled a bit, watching how Jaehyun leaned his head against Taeyong shoulder, both seemed so wasted already.  
  
"Don't gooooo" Taeyong sighed dramatically, bursting into laughter almost instantly.  
  
Johnny just stared at them and analyzed the situation. He couldn’t leave his friends in that place... they were extremely drunk to drive or to be alone in that place; John needed to take them home.  
  
"You guys are already too drunk, go to the car and I'll drop you both on Jae's house" John said in a firm voice.  
  
"Nuuuuu" Taeyong tried to fight back, his eyes almost closing completely.  
  
"It's an order. Go, now" the tallest male glared at the couple in front of him. Both Jaehyun and Taeyong struggled to get on their feet, at the end supporting onto each other while walking.  
  
Johnny wished to be the one guiding them to the car but at the same time he didn’t want to be discourteous, he wanted to wait for Ten to say goodbye.  
  
After some more seconds Ten came back, sitting directly over Johnny’s lap. The older totally startled stared at him while a strong smell of tobacco flooded his nostrils.  
  
“Johnny I’m back” Ten spoke before Johnny could do it “We should go to a more private place” and he smirked, getting closer to his face while his hand started to play with Johnny’s shirt.  
  
“Look Ten I’m-” John started but got cut off almost instantly.  
  
“We were having a good time, but we can spend a _really good time_ ” Ten whispered inside Johnny’s ear, both hands now caressing slowly his chest while smiling.  
  
John heaved a sigh, held Ten by his hands and separate their bodies trying to be as gentle as possible, staring at him “There’s no need to bother yourself with me” and then he felt a pang of guilt on his chest when he saw Ten’s smile fading away “We were having a nice time yeah, but I can’t see you more than as a friend... I’m sorry if you got the wrong idea” and sighed; he situation was too awkward for him. Ten stood up and sat himself in one of the chairs, still looking at him.  
  
The brown haired male sighed again, he really had to tell him those words to get him out of his wrong ideas “I’m really sorry Ten... I have to go”.  
  
John gave him an apologetic smile but Ten was just looking at him, nodding slightly.  
  
Feeling the awkwardness suffocating him, Johnny left the place and once outside he inhaled the cold air of the night. Few meters away, he saw Taeyong and Jaehyun standing in front of the car; both of them constantly wobbling, leaning against each other. Johnny approached them and palmed their shoulders to get their attention.  
  
“Give me the keys, I’ll dry” Johnny struggled a bit with a way too drunk Taeyong and after few minutes he got the keys in his hands, also got his friends inside the vehicle and left the place.  
  
The streets were empty thanks to the hour and luckily he didn’t spend too much time till they arrived at Jaehyun’s apartment. John left the car and pulled Taeyong’s arms, who was more drunk than Jaehyun; struggling and fighting, the three of them went in and out of the elevator until they reached the front door of his apartment.  
  
"Borrow my car" with a slight slur in his voice, Jaehyun handled the keys to Johnny while almost carrying Taeyong who was about to fall unconscious.  
  
“Thanks dude, now please get inside” Johnny smiled slightly, ordering Jae to open the door “I want to see you two entering”. Jaehyun only smiled, fighting with his keys until he found the correct one and opened the door, dragging Taeyong with him and saying “Be careful on your way back” as a form of goodbye; the taller only laughed.  
  
Driving back to his own apartment was fast and calm than he expected, John drove slow and carefully since some roads still had a small amount of snow and he could have an accident if he exceeded a certain speed limit. Eyeing the clock on the car’s radio, John saw it was almost 2 am... probably Doyoung wouldn’t be awake.  
  
After arriving and leaving the elevator, Johnny’s cellphone started to ring. Without paying too much attention, he took the device out of his coat’s pocket and answered, while with his other hand tried to pull out the keys from the back pocket of his pants.  
  
“Hello?” He answered.  
  
"Hey! Thank you so much John!" he heard over the phone a cheerful Jaehyun. Having the keys in hand, he went to his front door.  
  
"No need to thank, I'll drop by tomorrow to lend you your car" John smiled but his smile faded suddenly when he noticed the keys in his hand were Jaehyun's car keys ones... _silly_.  
  
"Tomorrow Hansol will leave to his hometown and we'll be at the park in front of Uni. You'll be there, right?" Jaehyun chatted like he usually did and for a moment Johnny was surprised to hear him that normal before he saw the drunk state he was just few hours back.  
  
"You sure you're telling me the correct info? You're drunk" John laughed, making his friend laugh too.  
  
"I'm no longer, barfed everything out" Jae’s words followed by a loud laugh.  
  
John rolled his eyes and held his phone against his cheek with his shoulder while he listen his friend and struggled to find the correct keys. Knocking at the door would be better but he was sure Doyoung was sleeping by the time.  
  
After several seconds he finally found the key, introduced it and the door opened. At the same time, Jaehyun made the question Johnny already expected.  
  
“So... Your thoughts about Ten?” _Well... damn_.  
  


 

\----

  
  
  
The whole place was silent. Lying in the couch, Doyoung snuggled up hugging a small pillow, a thin blanket cover his cramped body. He felt the heaviness of his body, the tip of his nose and fingers were almost frozen... he fell asleep there.  
  
Lazily he opened his eyes and instinctively searched the clock hanging on the wall: 2 am, and the silent environment told him John wasn’t home yet. He was about to get up when someone spoke from the outside of the apartment... it was him. Doyoung was ready to get up and welcome him when he noted the older was talking to someone, over the phone probably.  
  
“He’s uhm fine. He dances really cool I need to admit” and then silence.  
  
“Yeah but... I don’t know Jae, you had to see him being all over me” silence again, but Doyoung’s heart was pounding so hard and fast he could heard his own heartbeat in his ears; of course Johnny had a great time, he would be happier with someone else more lively and funny than Doyoung.  
  
“I’ve got his number yeah but...” Doyoung heard John’s voice again; his stomach sank after hearing those words.  
  
“Would you let me finish!?” John spoke louder then laughing... Doyoung knew everything was over.  
  
“Ah, suit yourself then, good night Jae” and then silence again. Doyoung just sat over the couch, his eyes were already full of tears, ready to roll down his face. His heartbeat fastened with the pass of seconds and a ringing sound pierced his ears, it was obvious Johnny would call the boy, his voice while speaking with his friend was cheerful. The younger felt like dying, all those past months he lived a one-sided relationship.  
  
“Youngie?” John saw Doyoung’s silhouette from his spot, his boyfriend was on the couch... oh he did waited for him! Johnny felt happy.  
  
“You had fun I could hear” The raven haired male spat his words almost in a whisper, he didn’t want to sound miserable and weak... like he really felt.  
  
“Nah, not that much, I don’t really enjoy those kind of places” Johnny smiled widely and took few steps closer to the younger, however he just stared at his boyfriend standing up without turn to look back at him.  
  
“I... I’m... leaving tomorrow” Doyoung sighed his words without even thinking about anything. His heart shattered in million pieces and his mind told him he needed to get out of there as soon as possible before his past reoccurred to be his new present but in a crueler way.  
  
“What?” Johnny asked startled to hear him and see his attitude.  
  
“I heard you while talking over the phone with your friend... you were genuinely happy” Doyoung clenched his fist, he was ashamed of himself, he fell again in the same trap. John didn’t like him; he was surely put up with him because they lived under the same roof, that was the truth for him “I have nothing more to do here, that’s why I’m leaving... That way you’ll be happy with someone else... someone more like you”.  
  
An agonizing silence suffused the whole place until a clear and loud sob from Doyoung echoed along the living, his tears flowed nonstop while his breathe became ragged, his heart raced uncontrollably and his mind... well his mind was a total mess, the negativity and his low self-esteem were about to drag him down the darkest part of his own mind, where his reason told him that there was no place in the world for a loser like him.  
  
“What are you saying!? Doyoung if this is a joke you need to stop because it’s not a bit funny, okay?” John was just standing there, frozen on the spot while he started intently Doyoung’s back, which was trembling and sobbing from time to time. The older didn’t know what to do.  
  
“I’m the joke... I’m...” And his own cries didn’t let him continue. He did loved John, but also he was the only one having feelings, it was clearly a nonreciprocal love.  
  
Heavily, Doyoung started to drag his feet in the direction of his room without sparing a single glance at Johnny, he wanted to be alone, cry until he couldn’t breathe and then fall asleep just to forget at least for a moment how miserable and pathetic was his whole existence but then he felt a strong hold around his left wrist, stopping him from leaving. Said action angered Doyoung, John really needed to stop playing with him now that Doyoung knew about his filthy trap; without holding himself he yelled “Leave me alone! Go back to that boy’s arms and be happy, stop wasting your precious time with me. I ca-” but he got himself cut off when the older hugged him from behind.  
  
“I don’t like you anymore...” John whispered directly on his ear, feeling the small body tensing after his words “I love you” he whispered again. His heartbeat fastened, John didn’t still get what was going on and why Doyoung had reacted like that but seeing him deeply hurt and confused gave a strong pang deep inside his chest; imagining himself without Doyoung by his side inflicted him a terrible fear.  
  
“St... Stop playing with me” Doyoung blabbered, trying to free himself from the grim, earning nothing.  
  
“I love you so much... I can’t picture myself without you anymore” and then everything fell silent, only Doyoung sobs kept echoing from time to time.  
  
“Please... Don’t leave me” John pronounced clearly and let him go, only to stand in front of him and hold his face by his wet cheeks; the sight gave him more pain now all around and inside his heart. The younger’s face was covered in tears and long traces of them, his lips were dry, his eyes were quite red and glassy, Doyoung was so... broke and hurt.  
  
With slowly movements, John approached the smaller’s face and gave him a small soft kiss, closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the younger’s “I love you so much” he repeated.  
  
“Johnny I...” Doyoung was speechless. Hearing the older saying those four words that were so delicate for him... feeling them being real, he was so confused. Was everything real?  
  
“You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, the single thought of you makes me feel happy and the luckiest man stepping this planet...” John blurted everything in one sentence; it was hard for him to talk about his true feelings but Doyoung needed to know and John wanted to show him how much he loved him, what Doyoung meant for him.  
  
After slowly opening his eyes, John saw Doyoung’s beautiful and deep gaze... Oh, he did love him so much.  
  
“I love you” John repeated again, wrapping the small body between his arms. Few seconds later he felt Doyoung’s small hands over his back, gripping his shirt while his slim body trembled.  
  
“I’m sorry... I’m sorry Johnny” Doyoung kept repeating between sobs, his tears started to wet the latter’s shirt but at that moment it didn’t mattered. The insecurity and fear living inside Doyoung’s being got him fully blind, he behaved like a coward without being conscious his actions could have destroyed what was truly real... their relationship.  
  
John caressed softly the expanse of his back, holding back his own tears. Hearing Doyoung sobbing was really painful, bit at the same time his heart felt warm after knowing Doyoung wouldn’t leave him.  
  
Several minutes passed with Doyoung crying against the older’s chest until John held him by his cheeks to look at him, his thumbs cleaning every tear that rolled down his soft face.  
  
“Please stop crying, I won’t go anywhere... and also I won’t let you go that easily” The brown haired male smiled seeing that special glow adorning the younger’s gaze, it was part of the amount of charms John loved about him. Doyoung smiled too.  
  
“I... I was so afraid you knew someone...” he hesitated for a bit and then continued “someone who really worthy, not like me” and bit his own lip, diverting his glance to a random spot far from John and his presence.  
  
The taller kept silent for few seconds, sighing heavily “Don’t ever say that again” then leaning his chin over Doyoung’s head, staying in that position for minutes. Johnny wanted to tell him encouraging words but at the same time he knew Doyoung needed his own space and time to let everything out and feel better. John on the contrary felt his heart so... light after hearing Doyoung’s words, the younger did loved him, there was no doubt about it. In total silence the pair enjoyed the warmth of their bodies for several minutes.  
  
Still without uttering a single word, John started to leave short kisses all over Doyoung’s cheeks, one of his hands went down to hold his waist and bring him closer against his body. His lips now were over the other’s, kissing slowly until his teeth trapped the lower lip, biting and pulling it a bit to get Doyoung’s attention.  
  
Doyoung let him do whatever he wanted, his arms circled Johnny’s neck while his tongue played with the latter’s; when he closed his eyes, the last pair of tears fell down his cheeks. His heart had a newly warm sensation and was so in peace after the intense whole week he experimented... But Johnny told him he loved him, he really felt something for Doyoung, both of them loved each other.  
  
“Youngie” John spoke between kisses, sliding both his hands until reaching Doyoung’s butt “I want you...” and groped him strongly almost making him scream “Please be mine Youngie”. He had an enormous desire to be with Doyoung, to have him between his arms and make him feel loved in one and thousand ways.  
  
Doyoung only blushed understanding perfectly what John meant. He needed to try, it was fair for both of them even when it was Doyoung’s first time; both of them wanted to be together in every single way. Being shy and biting his own lips, Doyoung nodded slowly while his gaze searched the other.  
  
Everything happened way too fast for Doyoung, minutes ago he was crying nonstop against John’s chest regretting every bad thought he had and in the following moment he was already lying in his bed with Johnny on top of him. His heart raced faster than ever and he couldn’t tell if it was fear, excitement, nervousness or a mixture of everything. Still he felt pretty ready to give in, give his all to Johnny.  
  
Meanwhile Johnny observed in total calmness every inch of Doyoung’s face, drinking the sight of his delicate and perfect face. Both hands went directly to hold his thin waist, his lips landing over his forehead “Don’t be afraid Doyoung” whispered to calm him even when Doyoung himself radiate a sense of calm.  
  
Slowly, John started to remove every piece of clothes from the younger’s body until he was totally naked. Doyoung felt so vulnerable and shy being like that right in front of his boyfriend, which by the was totally dressed; the raven haired’s hands instinctively covered his manhood and chest, his gaze fixed anywhere but Johnny.  
  
The older observed Doyoung’s shyness and smiled but said nothing. He began to remove his own clothes just to give the smaller the necessary confidence.  
  
“Look at me” John pronounced in a soft voice.  
  
Doyoung remained on the bed with Johnny hovering over his body, both of his knees planted on the sides of Doyoung’s legs; his eyes tried to find the older’s ones but the sight that welcomed him send a strong amount of shivers all over his whole body.  
  
In front of him he had a fully naked Johnny. Doyoung could clearly see how well defined the muscles on his abs were, his arms and thighs, his chest... he tried to avoid seeing his manhood but he couldn’t. Doyoung roamed his gaze all over John’s body, he was muscular, big, strong... Quite the opposite to his.  
  
John smiled again eyeing the smaller and his reaction, Doyoung’s cheeks were fully pink and his eyes moved so slow from down to up until both made eye contact “Let me see you too” whispered the brown haired male.  
  
Doyoung refused shaking his head, the insecurity about his looks was strong at the moment and he was ashamed to be so... physically boring.  
  
Still smiling, Johnny held the other's hands between his owns and interlaced their fingers, moving them away from his body to cover it. He instantly eyed way too slow the body below his, pleasing himself bit by bit. Doyoung’s body seemed so fragile, however it was perfect for John, his thin waist was clearly defined and his abdomen was so flat, adorned with a thin slot-like navel John found very attractive and alluring, his nipples had a soft brown color Johnny could almost imagine it tasted like milk chocolate; he mentally laughed after thinking that. A spark of desire and lust flared John’s insides when he saw Doyoung’s semi-erect member, they literally did nothing yet he was in that state already.  
  
“John...” the soft voice from the younger boy dragged Johnny out of his thoughts. He could see that beautiful glow his eyes always had, and which make his heart race to the speed of light. Without uttering a single word, Johnny attacked those beautiful small lips; he didn’t want to look desperate but he needed to see everything from Doyoung, he wanted to feel him, taste every corner of his body and soul, make him happy, make him feel all his love, his fondness, his desire... Doyoung deserved everything.  
  
While their tongues played with each other, John held Doyoung’s legs to spread them and position himself between them, smiling between kisses when he noticed Doyoung didn’t complain at all.  
  
“Youngie...” sighed between kisses, his hands now caressing his flat and soft abdomen. For Johnny, Doyoung’s body was like wonderland, the lust and desire to touch him and feel him against his body grew with every passing second, but he didn’t want to lose control and hurt him. He’ll be as careful as possible.  
  
Soon his right hand gripped Doyoung’s member, hearing for the first time of the night a melodious moan escaping those abused lips, same that gave strong shivers to his entire body. With slow movements John started to stroke the organ, playing a bit with the foreskin while his free hand caressed his waist. Ending their kissing, Johnny sat up straight and stared at him one more time.  
  
Doyoung laid there, with closed eyes, swollen and wet lips, his breathing was out of rhythm and his abdomen contracted from time to time. John’s hand was warm and felt so good touching him, his palm was big and kinda raspy against his skin but gave him the perfect friction. The raven haired male bit his own lip trying to hold back his moans but it was impossible.  
  
“Touch me Doyoung” The older ordered.  
Doyoung hesitated for a bit, the nervousness painting his face; supporting himself with the help of his elbow Doyoung got up and extended his other arm to reach Johnny’s member, holding him in his hands and blushing after feeling the weight, warmth and also how semi-hard it was. He bit his own lips again while staring at his member, it was big, thick and the veins started to get protruding... Doyoung was speechless.  
  
At the first jerk of his wrist Doyoung heard a small grunt coming from Johnny, but he avoided any visual contact. He had never done anything like that before and didn’t want Johnny to notice about it, even if it was almost obvious John would already know about his zero experience.  
  
“Doyoung” John spat firmly and loud after few minutes of touching and enjoying each other’s body; he removed his hands from Doyoung’s body, the latter doing the same after thinking he maybe had screwed it up.  
  
“Are you sure you want to keep going?” John questioned him, biting his own lip after checking out the younger’s body for the nth time in the night.  
  
Doyoung didn’t hesitate and nodded, staring intently at John, losing himself for a moment in the older’s features that for him were perfect.  
  
John smiled and laid him back on the bed, pouncing over him to reach with his lips those well-defined collarbones that draw his attention from everything. Doyoung mewled at the new contact, every sensation was so foreign but it felt just so good, he wanted more, he needed more, everything if it was with Johnny, only him.  
  
Descending a bit, John’s lips trapped one of his nipples, kissing and sucking hard causing the small body to squirm and arch up his back looking for more of that delicious sensation. His free hand played and pinched the other nipple, pressing stroking and twisting the skin until making him scream; every single sound was like a sweet and pleasurable melody for Johnny.  
  
He kept descending, leaving a trace of soft kisses and some bites that left small but beautiful marks over Doyoung’s milky skin, until he reached his abdomen where the tip of his tongue traced his thin lovely belly button, only to bite the skin with his front teeth, earning a loud moan from Doyoung... apparently it was one of his hot spots; John smiled.  
  
“Johnny no...” a spark of fear born inside Doyoung when he imagined what was the following action of his boyfriend; he was ashamed and sad to be the only one getting all the attention, but John seemed to be totally okay with it.  
  
“Shh... Just let me” The older got up and went to the bathroom as fast as he could only to come back with a small jar Doyoung knew too well... vaseline.  
  
Getting back to his main position over the bed, John held high one of his legs and kissed the inner thigh of Doyoung while he plunged his fingers inside the jar, coating them enough with the pulpy substance “This will kinda lesser the pain... But if you can’t handle it, we’ll stop, okay?” John stared at him in a serious way, then leaving the small jar over the night table.  
  
Doyoung just eyed him nodding. Usually, he was embarrassed when talking about sex and intimacy, but in that exact moment he just... wanted to live and feel everything. Seeing Johnny so concerned for him made him feel weird, yet he liked it.  
  
Without further ado, John started to caress the contracted rim with his index finger, smearing some of the vaseline onto the sensitive skin. His eyes were fixed over his pink entrance but his gaze bounced from it to his already hard member; he wanted to blow him at first but Doyoung would not be able to handle everything... _I'll do it another day_ , he thought.  
  
"Tell me if you can't handle the pain, yeah?" John repeated himself while staring intently at him, only to be sure of the answer. He only got a weak “yeah” as an answer, and a gaze so... needy that made his palms sweat. If Doyoung kept being so seductive and innocent at the same time, Johnny wouldn’t be able to hold back.  
  
Not hesitating more, John slowly inserted the first digit, feeling the flesh expand minimally giving him the sensation of being trapped inside... wonderful.  
  
Doyoung whimpered after feeling the intromission. Johnny’s fingers were long and thick, the sensation over his body was foreign but tolerable.  
  
John twisted and moved his finger slowly, caressing the skin to loosen it a bit. His hand trembled from time to time when hearing Doyoung soft mewls, his member ached but he needed to hold on, he wouldn’t ruin everything just to feel good.  
  
After several minutes he decided to add the second finger, drinking again Doyoung’s now loud wails. His flesh began to feel more relaxed and warm, so he decided to add a third finger.  
  
“Ahh... J-John...” Doyoung bit his own lip closing his eyes tightly. His skin overstretched and felt like burning; deep inside his mind he started to be afraid after feeling that kind of pain. With his hands he subtly gripped the blanket trying not to call John’s attention, controlling as much as possible his breathing, he didn’t want to disappoint Johnny nor did he want him to stop but his subconscious started to play with him again.  
  
“Are you okay?” Johnny asked, seeing the way Doyoung was frowning and the beads of sweat appearing over his forehead and neck. Without hesitation he stopped every movement.  
  
“Y..yeah, I’m... I’m fine” The younger opened his eyes and searched his boyfriend’s ones, feeling a strong pang of a mixture of feelings inside his chest when he made eye contact with John. His gaze told he was worried but at the same time he wanted to keep going, to touch him, hug him... love him. After few seconds Doyoung, for the first time in his whole life pushed aside his fears, and being totally confident he pronounced “I... I think I’m ready”.  
  
John only stared at him for a couple of seconds, slowly retiring his fingers from inside his cavity. Without uttering a word, he picked up the small jar of vaseline and took a nice amount of the content, this time spreading it over his palms. With slow movements he started to stroke his member to coat him with the creamy substance; he was too aroused and worried at the same time, he didn’t want to hurt his boyfriend in any way.  
  
Doyoung eyed him while biting his lip... eventho it was probably John wasn’t doing it to provoke him, he found the sight extremely erotic. Johnny was there, on his knees rubbing his own member with subtle and gentle movements; still with the lack of light, Doyoung could see how defined were Johnny abs and also the muscles on his arms and thighs... John was so attractive... and Doyoung felt so lucky.  
  
“Are you sure you’re ready?” John asked in a low raspy voice while repositioning himself.  
  
“I am” the younger replied doubtless, smiling to calm his boyfriend as much as he could.  
  
Johnny smiled back, leaning over him to claim those thin and pink lips, losing himself for a moment in the sweetness of them; the younger kissed back.  
  
Taking advantage of the small distraction, John held his member and introduced only the head in a slow motion, earning a throaty moan. The younger’s hands settled over his shoulders, one of them went directly to the older’s nape and caressed the skin.  
  
"Are you okay?" John asked, trying not to moan or thrust, the welcoming warm sensation gave him chills all over his body.  
  
"John... Please stop asking" Doyoung smiled, the hand of his nape now caressed the soft skin of John's cheek "I want this." he looked straight into Johnny's eyes and whispered "Make me yours".  
  
John observed him during few seconds and once again claimed Doyoung’s lips as his, this time in an aggressive way, biting those thin lips only to lick the marks of his teeth. With a swift movement of his hips he went fully inside the smaller’s cavity, getting a loud wail from his boyfriend.  
  
Doyoung clung to the older’s body with his hand, digging his fingertips on John’s shoulder while the other tightly gripped the blanket. The burning sensation and pain was something so new for him, yet he felt encouraged to feel more, to experiment much more only if it was with Johnny. Before the older spoke, Doyoung assured him “Ahh I’m... I’m fine” while closing his eyes, feeling some tears forming and trying to roll down.  
  
Johnny eyed him for a second, then burying his face in the juncture of Doyoung’s neck to start a slow pace. The pressure surrounding his member was delicious and amatory, he never felt so much pleasure before, he was about to lose control but the touch of Doyoung’s fingers digging his skin obligated him to control his desires, he was fighting with his own self.  
  
  
Doyoung’s moans started to flow in sync with the older’s thrusts, the new sensations were driving him crazy, he didn’t know if the pain was better than the pleasure or vice versa. His entrance started to get loosen with each movement. “Jo…John” was the only thing he could utter, he was about to cry not because of the pain but for the whole moment, it was the first time someone touched him that way, the first time feeling another body above his, the first time he really felt loved… so many first times were happening, and everything was... real. His tears started to roll all the way down to his cheeks, choking a bit while moaning.  
  
John slowed down a bit and stared at the now crying Doyoung, the worrying started to grow inside his chest “Youngie?” asked while with his hand removed a few strands of raven hair to look him straight in the eyes.  
  
“Don’t stop… It’s just… everything is so perfect” Doyoung opened his eyes and got himself immersed in those beautiful brown eyes for few seconds… yes, everything was so real.  
  
“You’re the cutest” John smiled, giving him a small kiss over his forehead, then kissing for the nth time his beautiful lips. With both hands he held the smaller’s legs and started to pound harder, enjoying his moans and mewls, adding the beautiful scene of a crying Doyoung, the frown on his face was so adorable and the way he wetted his lips from time to time, everything was seducing Johnny to no extent. He wanted to see more of Doyoung, feel more of him, making him hiss, scream, cry and smile; he felt the need to give his Youngie everything of himself.  
  
A particular hard thrust made Doyoung scream Johnny’s name in such a high-pitched tone, same that went straight to the latter’s member.  
  
“Ha- harder…” Doyoung whined, circling his arms around his boyfriend’s neck. His whole body felt so hot and a strong sensation of stimulation spreaded all over his low abdomen.  
  
Johnny did as he was told and increased the power and speed of his thrust. The friction and the warm insides encouraged him even more to keep going; with his hand he held Doyoung’s abandoned member and started to pump it slowly, hearing him moan deeply, John felt in heaven with only the beautiful scene.  
  
Doyoung soon came all over his torso and John’s hand, not even warning his boyfriend; white strands of dense liquid adorned his milky skin. John claimed his lips between grunts and deep low moans, still thrusting harder even when the smaller’s entrance started to feel cramped after the orgasm.  
  
“Johnny… Joh-nny” Doyoung cried, his whole body getting oversensitive.  
  
After few more thrust, John emptied himself inside the small body; his ragged breath colliding with the smaller’s pink lips.  
  
The moment felt like an eternity, a beautiful eternity both of them didn’t want to get out of. John rested himself carefully over his boyfriend’s body, giving him small kisses on his chin and jawline from time to time.  
  
After what felt like ages, John pulled out of Doyoung hissing in the process, only to lay himself on the empty side of the bed. Circling his arms around Doyoung’s delicate waist, he started to get comfy and ready to have a good rest.  
  
“No John... we need to clean up, I mean I... I’ve made...” _a mess_. Doyoung stared for a few seconds at his own body and an intense pinkish color filled his face.  
  
John just laughed and hugged him strongly, bringing him closer while kissing his temple “Seriously you are the cutest”.  
  
Doyoung shyly smiled but did nothing, the sticky sensation on his abdomen and asshole was so weird but he could live with it for at least the night.  
  
“I can clean you with my tongue if you want, I don’t mind” John laughed louder after seeing Doyoung’s surprised and shy reaction, he really was so cute.  
  
“N-no... thanks”  the raven haired male bit his own lip and accommodated until he found the perfect position: his head resting over John’s arm, both hands against his own chest and his whole body completely glued to his boyfriend, sharing the comforting warmth of their bodies... perfect. John only giggled, hugging him in a possessive way.  
  
Fatigue began to overcome the pair, John was about to leave the real world to start dreaming when he heard a voice that brought him back to earth.  
  
“Johnny...” Doyoung whispered. With his hand held the older’s face.  
  
Said male opened his eyes, finding a pair of beautiful big sparky eyes “What’s wrong?”  
  
“I love you” Doyoung had a serious look over his face, his gaze bounced from Johnny’s eyes to his lips, his cheeks, his nose, everything. His heart raced faster than ever, it was the first time those words left his being and it felt just so... good to know they were reciprocated.  
  
“I love you more” Johnny interlaced their legs feeling every inch of the small body against his, his hands descended to grab his asscheeks and grope them forcefully, tearing a deep sudden moan “Let me sleep or I’ll make love to you again” he laughed while subtly massaging his soft globes. Doyoung just let him do whatever he wanted, enjoying every single touch.  
  
Several minutes passed until the pair, between caresses and the warmth of their bodies fell into a deep sleep.  
  
  
  


 

  
**(Saturday)**

  
White natural light flooded the whole room. Doyoung slowly opened his eyes heavily seeing the fogged window and the tree branch once again covered in white... snow.  
  
Stirring a bit on the bed he felt his fingertips and shoulders almost frozen. Covering his body with the blanket to warm his skin, he noticed he was naked... and then flashes of what happened the night before started to burst his mind. He smiled weakly with every scene inside his head, covering his face with both hands and fully hiding himself below the white bedsheets.  
  
“Good morning to you too” heard behind his back. Still covering his face he turned to the other side on the bed and the sight that welcomed him after uncover his eyes was the perfect naked body of his boyfriend; an intense shade of pink filled his cheeks. Using his hands he removed the sheet to reveal his face, finding a smiling Johnny staring at him.  
  
“Good morning Johnny” Doyoung smiled back, hugging him leaning his head over the latter’s shoulder, giggling at the thought of feeling shy about being naked... after what happened before he shouldn’t feel any shyness, still he couldn’t avoid it.  
  
“Did you get some rest? Does it hurt?” John shifted a bit to welcome his pretty bunny between his arms while leaving short small kisses all over his forehead.  
  
“I’m fine” Doyoung closed his eyes enjoying every caress Johnny would like to give him. The environment was cozy, he could spend the whole day in the same place, same position.  
  
“Glad to hear that, because you won’t have time to rest today” a sly smile crossed John’s lips when he saw Doyoung opening his eyes in an exaggerated way.  
  
“What!?” Doyoung stared at him; with the blanket he covered his chest up to his neck while an intense shade of red adorned his whole face, was Johnny being serious on his words? Spending the whole day in bed having sex... Doyoung wasn’t sure he could stand it.  
  
“You have a dirty mind, don’t you? I meant I need to go somewhere, but I want you to go with me” Johnny smirked, watching the smaller’s reaction was so cute and funny; he liked to play with him.  
  
"I'm sorry" Doyoung buried his face on John’s chest ashamed of his own thoughts but when he processed the words he stared at his boyfriend, totally impressed “You want me to go out with you!?” it was something John never had told before. Doyoung felt his stomach contracting in weird ways after pronouncing his own words, imagining himself walking with Johnny on public... he didn’t know if it scares or excites him.  
  
“Yeah, so let’s take a shower, we’re leaving soon” Carefully, John left the bed not even caring being naked, he just stretched his body and eyed Doyoung with a playful smile “You go first, I’ll make us some coffee” and caressed the latter’s cheek. The younger nodded only, staring at him leaving the room.  
  
Doyoung slowly got up from the bed, feeling a weird pressure on his behind after taking few step but it was bearable; a proud smile plastered over his lips. He felt so happy to have Johnny by his side, to know his love was unrequited, everything turned to be so perfect.  
  
Their morning went slow and nice. Both of them had breakfast together while watching TV, simply enjoying each other’s company, like any other day. After two hours John explained he needed to lend back Jaehyun’s car and after doing so they could just stroll at the park covered in snow... yeah, it sounded like a nice plan.  
  


 

\-----

  
  
Inside the car, Doyoung watched John while driving. He loved to learn new things from the older, seeing him driving made him smile and feel more attracted to him, John was so perfect. However after divagate inside his head; the events from yesterday and the reason of Johnny having that car came back to his mind. None of them had brought back the blind date topic, it wasn’t needed anyway, but Doyoung’s curiosity was bigger than the whole world and he wanted to ask.  
  
Taking advantage of the red light, he stared intently at Johnny and asked “Johnny... how was your date?”  
  
John looked at him a bit surprised but instantly smiled playfully, sighing “You’re asking that now? It was... fine I guess”  
  
“Was he your type?” Doyoung asked again, acting serious.  
  
“Yes, I want to see him again” John stared back directly for few seconds, then laughing loudly “I don’t have standards for people, if I like it, then I like it” and finished his words searching the younger’s hands, interlacing their fingers. Doyoung was way too adorable asking those kinds of questions, although John was worried, he didn’t like at all that Doyoung didn’t trust in himself if he was such a smart and beautiful person, everyone would like him instantly.  
  
“Did you like him?” Doyoung once again asked, this time avoiding the older’s gaze but still holding his hand; he wanted to stop his asking session but his fears and curiosity controlled him.  
  
“No. He’s a nice person but he also smells like cigarettes and troubles” and everything fell silent, only the sound of the car going forward when the light changed to green.  
  
“You’re weird” Doyoung muttered biting his own lip to stop himself from smiling wide. Yes, John’s answer was way too weird but at the same time convincing, of what? He didn’t know but felt so much at ease after hearing his answers.  
  
“And you’re handsome” John eyed him, grinning. Doyoung only blushed and thanked almost in a whisper.  
  
Their journey was pretty quick for Doyoung’s taste; the atmosphere inside the car was calm and comfy he wished to stay there for a couple of minutes, however his hopes broke when John parked the car and left for a second just to open Doyoung’s door and give him his hand.  
  
The streets, the buildings, trees... everything was covered in dense layers of snow, it was beautiful.  
  
“Where are we, exactly?” Doyoung asked, glancing at a joint of buildings; he gripped Johnny’s arm to support himself thanks to the slippery ground.  
  
Those buildings are my University” John answered while walking in the opposite direction, dragging Doyoung with him.  
  
The younger felt like a little boy being carried by his older brother. Johnny held him strongly, smiling as explaining that park they were walking for was the one where he spent his free hours reading or just sleeping. The pair laughed every time John told a funny story until he signaled with his finger and pronounced “Ah! They’re there” fixing his own coat.  
  
Doyoung looked to where John’s finger pointed and saw a handful of persons sitting over a wooden table, some others were just standing there. Exactly Doyoung counted 6 persons, five boys and a girl.  
  
“Who... w-ho are they?” Doyoung asked deeply afraid, slowing down his stepping. Without even noticing he started to pull Johnny’s arm to get back, just like a small kid trying to avoid being dragged into a place that caused him panic.  
  
“Calm down, everything’s fine” he heard his boyfriend’s voice but no, nothing was fine for Doyoung. What if those persons make fun of him just to be... him? That was the most terrifying part for him about going out together, he knew he was nothing compared to Johnny. He was afraid and wanted to leave as fast as possible, or at least not face his boyfriend’s friends.  
  
“Hey John! You came!” The pair heard. It was too late for Doyoung, they were already close to them, it was impossible to hide or leave. “Who’s that?” the younger heard another voice; his whole body trembled uncontrollably, with his hand he tried to cover a part of his face with the scarf adorning his neck but a pair of hands he knew too well stopped him.  
  
Being close enough of his friend, John held Doyoung’s face and without further ado kissed his small lips. His thumbs caressed softly Doyoung’s warm cheeks while kissing him repeatedly. Soon he felt a small pair of hands gripping his coat, same action making him smile over his boyfriend’s lips. After several seconds he separated from the younger and stared at him, smiling even more; the latter was blushing and his eyes half-lidded.  
  
“You liar! You told me you didn’t know him!” The pair turned their heads to look at the yelling person, Jaehyun.  
  
Johnny smiled devilish and hugged Doyoung by the shoulders with his arm, pronouncing clearly “He’s my boyfriend aaaand... you’re not allowed to touch him” finishing his words kissing the younger’s temple, who only watched the whole scene like if it was a TV show or a product of his imagination but not his reality.  
  
All of them laughed after John’s phrase.  
  
“Finally! Congrats Johnny!” The girl left her place and ran to hug the taller male, turning then his attention to Doyoung and eye him for a couple of seconds, smiling friendly while lively holding out her hand “I’m Wendy!”. The younger shook hands with her, a small smiling forming on his lips as he told her his own name.  
  
“Owww you’re so cute!” Wendy smiled almost yelling his words, then held him by his arm and dragged him with her to the table where the other boys just watched the scene; John pushed him a bit as a form of encouragement, letting Wendy steals him.  
  
Wendy told him the boys names, Jaehyun, Taeyong, Hansol, Taeil and Ten. All of them were extremely kind and funny, occasionally they asked Doyoung about his University, about how was to live in the city and how could he live under the same roof as Johnny, who was a lazy and carefree person. Their conversations always ended in laughs and Doyoung felt so happy, for the first time in his life he was kindly welcomed by strangers who actually acted nice with him... maybe not all people were malicious as he had always believed.  
  
Meanwhile in a corner of the table Johnny smiled at Ten, ashamed.  
  
“Everything makes sense now” Ten told him smiling as well, playing a bit with some strands of his own hair.  
  
“Yeah... I’m really sorry” John patted his shoulder trying to break his own awkwardness.  
  
“It’s fine, don’t worry. You’re so loyal” Ten laughed assuring the older his words were true. Both of them went back to chat with the rest of their friends  
  
Two hours passed until the boy named Hansol began to say goodbye to all. John explained Doyoung that Hansol would travel to spend Christmas with his family, just like both of them and that’s why they gathered together, to bid him goodbye.  
  
“We’re leaving too” John announced after seeing Hansol and Wendy leaving. Everyone started to hug them and wish them a nice Christmas and new year.  
  
Ten was the last to hug Doyoung then holding his small hands, staring intently at him and smiling “He really loves you” and released his hands, going back to his place on the bench. Doyoung smiled widely waving at him, he didn’t know why Ten had told him that, but if someone else said it, it had to be true... right? Anyways, he didn’t doubt anything about Johnny.  
  
After spending so much time outside, the pair decided to get back home and get warm and comfy inside.  
  
  


 

**(Sunday)**

  
For Doyoung everything went back to normal, even tho it was only him. There were neither negative thoughts nor insecurities inside his head.  After their sentimental chaos, the pair decided to just have a nice but normal Christmas dinner and then spend the rest of the night together, watching movies like they usually did.  
  
The clock on the wall showed 11:20pm when the movie credits ran slowly on the TV screen. Doyoung shifted a bit over John’s chest while the latter caressed the expanse of his back; both were lying on the bed, covered with two or three blankets since the snow was intensely falling.  
  
“John... can I ask you something?” Doyoung fixed his gaze on the TV.  
  
“Go ahead”  
  
“Why... your friend didn’t know about us?” There he was again asking things he really didn’t want to ask because maybe the answer could hurt him. The atmosphere fell silent, only the sound of their breathing and the melody coming from the TV resonate.  
  
“I was jealous” John deadpanned.  
  
Doyoung got startled for several seconds, then sat straight up over the bed and glanced at his boyfriend not believing what he had just heard. Johnny on the contrary didn’t move an inch nor even looked at him; his eyes were fixed on the television.  
  
“What?” The younger asked but no one answered. More seconds passed, the movie credits ended and then John stared at him in a way Doyoung never had seen before, his expression was so... serious; Doyoung knew he wasn’t lying nor playing.  
  
“I was jealous” John repeated himself, this time sighing “When we were already a couple, one day Jaehyun told me you were cute and that he could date you” another sigh this time a deep one, and continued “I felt so... vulnerable and angry. I lied about knowing you because I was afraid, Jaehyun is such a nice and cheerful person and I... didn’t want someone  snatched you from my arms” and finished with a serious look. His fingers played with the hem of the blanket, contemplating it as if it was the most interesting thing in the world; deep inside he felt bad for skipping the part of Jaehyun talking about Doyoung in a sexual way, but it was the best... he didn’t want Doyoung had negative ideas about his friend.  
  
“Thank you” Doyoung landed his hand over the older’s to draw back his attention. When John glanced at him, Doyoung smiled sincerely and the brown haired male felt his heart melting. There was no reason to thank, nor apologize, cry or feeling bad, there were only reasons to smile, and the first of all was that they were together. The younger laid again over the bed and kissed innocently the older’s lips.  
  
“I... I need to explain so much about myself. It wasn’t my intention to restrain you like the way I did...” Doyoung was about to speak with John placed his index finger over his lips, muting him gently.  
  
With both hands John held the small body by the waist and positioned him over the bed, then hovering over it and smiled after seeing Doyoung’s impressed expression “I don’t want any explanation. I don’t know about your past and why were you like that but you don’t need to remember what hurts you just to explain yourself” and kissed the tip of his nose “I want to be the one that makes you happy, let me erase those bad memories, let’s create new ones... let me be your only one” with his thumb he outlined Doyoung’s fragile lips, then staring intently at him, losing himself in the depths of his eyes “Let me be someone in your life as much as you are everything in mine”.  
  
Doyoung only stared at him, blinking constantly trying to process every word. After several seconds he nodded while his hands held the older’s face “I love you” and kissed those pink beautiful lips, getting an immediately response from the other’s.  
  
John smiled between kisses, he didn’t need any other words.  
  
The night continued with the pair consummating their love under the blankets. The whole week was so heavy emotionally speaking, however every bad thing served to fix what was broken and in the end, the entire situation fell into a perfect state of calmness. It didn’t matter if they needed to leave the place and be far from each other until the year ended, because they would be together again, and thereafter there would be no more fears or insecurities.  
  
  
  


 

_Everything would just be love._

 

 

 

 

_._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally dooooooooooneeeee and I'm so happy! I know it's kinda weird they're already on christmas BUT I LOVE CHRISTMAS OKAY okay.
> 
> Thank you all for reading this, let's all ship&love johndo/2young/johnyoung, this couple is totally beautiful I'm telling you :')
> 
> Please leave me some comments and let me know what do you think about this fic and this couple ^^
> 
> Remember you can find me on AFF and Livejournal too! I have the same username.
> 
> Again thank you so much for reading <3


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